I’m so close to dissociating and the college sending constant reminders that I’m a fuck up of a student isn’t helping. I feel like my body is trying to make me sleep almost. Like letting my guard down, closing my eyes, and letting in this apathy for just a couple minutes will cause me to awake from that reverie empty and emotionally unavailable. It’s so damn close and I’m so fucking tired. The panic attacks are getting worse and the crashes from them and any form of stimulant (caffeine, nicotine, lack of sleep) make it feel like I’m being shoved down and having my chest pressed on. I think it’s only a matter of time at this point, and I’m sorry to anyone who tries to emotionally connect with me over the next couple days.